Emotional Intelligence

I evaluated my self Emotional Intelligence, and the result was:

101 points- According to your self-report answers, your emotional intelligence is not extremely good. People 

who score like you do feel that their ability to understand and deal with their own emotions and 

those of others is just barely acceptable. Emotionally intelligent people have an easy time 

overcoming difficulties in their lives and they are generally able to control their moods. It's easy 

for them to motivate themselves to overcome obstacles and reach their goals. In addition, they 

find social interactions to be quite easy and fulfilling, for several reasons. They are comfortable 

allowing themselves to get close with others, and feel comfortable being vulnerable enough to 

establish intimacy. They also report having an easy time offering support to others; likely due to 

an empathetic nature and a solid ability to offer advice. Perhaps by working on your problem 

areas, you can become more confident in dealing with your own emotions and those of others. 

As long as you are getting older and you are going further in your career, you realized how important the Emotional Intelligent is in your personal life, in so many aspects: how to maintain personal relationships, as well as how to related to people in your work environment and to treat with customers. The companies are becoming to teach emotional intelligent in their leadership programs and in all their training for executives in the company. But, also, in my opinion, all the universities should start to include this topic in their programs, no matter what major, emotional intelligence is going to be vital for the career development. For example, in my career, as a Business major, I will have to mentor, coach and supervise employees, so I should learn how to manage my feeling and the other people's feelings. But, if you are a teacher, you should learn how to motivate students and know how they are feeling in their personal life because that could influenced their academic success. If you are a nurse, you need to have emotional intelligence and use it when they are caring people, because they are feeling bad, so they are not going to act as you are expecting they would be acting as in a normal situation. As a waiter, you also want to use emotional intelligence because using it, you can guess what kind of service do they want and you can provide them a much better service, exactly the one that they are looking for, more informal or more serious. 

One of my improvements in emotional intelligence was when I started college. I did not understand what they expected of me and, also, what I was supposed to do, because in Spain, they are not as clear as in here and in high school. So, I have to try to know what they want to say throughout my interpretation of their emotional intelligence. As time went by, I was able to completely understand what they wanted me to do and how I was supposed to behave during the class and during the academic year. 

Another improvement in my emotional intelligence was through teaching kids. I was doing it for 3 years and, at first, I was having a lot of problems understanding what kids what saying and explaining the subject in their own words, but, at the end, I was able to empathize with them, and know exactly how to motivate them to have good grades. I was "competing" with them, so if they have a better grade than me, they would be happier than nobody. 

The other great improvement that I just realized was when I was working as a sales agent of credit cards, doing cold calling and door-to-door. So, in that job, you are required to understand that you are bothering the customer, and making him feel confident and that he can trust on you. You can to empathize with the, be quickly because they do not want to lose their time and also, you want to be clear, so they have not to concentrate a lot in what you are just saying. 

I improved a lot, when I was studying abroad. Being surrounded for all the international students and americans, people from all over the world, you have to understand their differences, and put yourself into a different situation that the ones that you are used to. For example, I was used to relate with Asian people and respect their personal space. Also, I had to learn to related with South American guys, since their conduct is like is someone is trying on hitting on you in my country, but they were trying just to be friend and it took me a while to realized. And it was all by the improvement of my emotional intelligence. 

Developing a good emotional intelligence is essential in my career, as I want to be a manager. And it is even more important, as I want to work in a multinational, so I want to work in a very diverse ambient. Also, it is really important for managers, because you need it to manage and coach people, and I really want to develop my career in that path.

To develop a good emotional intelligence, you have to work hard in your self-awareness, acknowledge of thoughts, feelings, sensations, intentions and behaviors, development of empathy, understanding,  acceptance, validation and personal and interpersonal skills (creativity risk, taking, imagery, mediation and role play, deal-with  conflict, diversity, power and communication and listening.

Interpersonal Communication and Conflict

The style of conflict that I use a lot is symmetrical escalation. I do not like to discuss things, but I like to have everything clear and done to not have more problems with that issue in the future. For instance, if I have a conflict with my father, for example, I am going to explain my points of view as further as I can. But I know that this approach can not run forever, so when there is no point to follow this method, I would use the symmetrical negotiation. I hear other's opinion and I would reflect the good points of other point of view and then, I will argue the points that I do not agree with, expecting the other person to do the same, so we can fin the best solution picking both good points of the view. Although may times this results impossible because there is a Yes/No issue or a Black/White solution, so there is no a mixed solution, it has to be a straight one. So, that should be my health way to find a solution for the problem, so everybody should have the feeling of winning, because it seems that everybody got the point that they want to arrive.

Self Disclosure and Social Networking

After reading the article "Social Networking: Are we revealing too much?", it makes you think a lot about how you are showing yourself in the Internet, and most important, to whom you are providing all your information.

When I read it I was thinking about myself, and that is so true. I have people on my facebook and on my tuenti (the Spanish version of Facebook) that I did not see in forever. A lot of my high school classmates, for instance, I do not see them since graduation, 6 years ago; however, I still have them on facebook as my friends and they can see every movement that I make in my life. I just know about them whatever they posted online, that could be true or not. And also, a lot of them, I did barely talk to them in high school because they where in the other section or because we were not compatibles at that time.

Also, I have a lot of friends that could be dangerous because I do not know who is behind them. I am referring to the ones as associations, organizations, or different things that I added on there. One example could be Rider Bronc. Who is behind the Rider Bronc facebook? It could be a criminal or , even, being really dramatical a serial killer. And guess what? Thanks to facebook he or she is able to stalk mostly all Rider students´ facebook, and that could create an obsession for someone that provoke a crime, in some different ways.

Moreover, about my self disclosure on the Internet.... While I am communicating through the Internet, I do not curse (Spaniards curse a lot while we are speaking) and I am much loving in my messages. I´d rather say "sweetheart" in a message than personally. Also, on the Internet you are able to see my general "me" but you are not able to know how I feel most of the time or what my thoughts are about some topic. Also, I won´t talk about people, because the message could be misunderstood and also, it is going to last forever, and I could be sending to someone who can have a different opinion about that person and create a conflict. Another issue is that I don´t use Internet to show someone that I am not, in the Internet I am as I am in my real life: sociable, responsible, love diversity, love being around people,...

Relating Internet and safety, I would never post when I am on holidays or that my house is all alone, as well as I would never use this "four squares" app for mobile devices that you check in places in order to know where you are in every moment. Although I do not post information when I am gone for holidays, I always update my status saying that I am in the United States or in Spain, in order to let my friends that I arrive or that I am leaving.

Styles of Listening

I consider myself Action-Centered listening style. I get anxious if someone is telling me something and there are going back and forth without finishing the issue. Also, I like concise messages, that means not to give all the details of the story if they are not important. Also, I prefer highly-organized messages, from the very beginning to the end or from the end to the beginning, either of them and depending on the situation.

I think I learn this method of communication from teachers, because you can see how the best teachers are really organized talking and they don´t make stories really long. And also, that is a capacity that you are getting when you are growing up. When I was a kid, I used to tell my mom all the long conversation with my friends to explain some concrete thing, and now, it is different. I just explain the facts, without being explaining all the way long until the end.

Although I do not use the same listening style with everyone, and in all situations. For example, when I talk to my grandma, I use the people-centered style. This is because she gives me all kind of details about the situation and also, she starts in the middle of the story and goes jumping into another situations without telling you, so it´s really easy to get lost in her conversation. So, I try to focus on her, try to provide her a great feedback and know how is her mood that day.

Technology and Interpersonal Communication

Assumption #1: The computer screen may be deceive.

In face to face communications we can not lie about our biological sex or our height, but with technology everything is possible. You can say that you are a woman if you are a man, or you can say that you are 26 and be and underage or , even, you can be someone famous that you do not even know. It is so easy to steal someone´s else personality through the Internet or be a new person, whoever you want to be. 

A girl in my university, has 2 facebook profiles. One is the real one and there are a lot of people who do not want to be friends with her. And the other one is a cartoon related with the University and with the university name as the name of the facebook profile (something like here with Rider Bronc), and she is friend with everyone and got invited to all the events and parties going on in the University. People was always complaining about she knows about every party although she was not invited until someone realized what was her strategy. 

Assumption #2: Online discussions often prompt introspection

In face to face communications we do not have time to think about the other´s message deeply and we answer without really thinking about it. We are supposed to think about it once the conversation is over and we regret about a word said or maybe we think that we misunderstood something,but in the technology world we have plenty of time to think about it and our answers reflects out thinkings, feelings and fears. 

Imagine that you receive an e-mail from your boss saying that you both are going to have a private meeting after the weekend. So can figure out that he is going to fire you, or that you are going to have a better place within the company or that he wants to move you out of the country. So, our answer is going to be biased by our thinkings and he is going to feel something wrong if you did not interpret the same thing he was trying to say. 

Assumption #3: Online discussions promote self-orientation. 

In face to face communication the receiver of the information is really important part in the communication,because if you are talking to something, he is supposed to be listening to you and you will have an answer immediately. Moreover, if someone do not answer you back, that is a big deal, and you will be really mad at him/her. But, in the other hand, in the technology information, we are not as concerned about if the other is going to answer us. How many times did you post something in your friend´s wall and they did not post something back to you? How many times did it happen with an inbox? And with an e-mail? And also, with call and texts. It´s not a big deal for you and either is for them. 

Assumption #4: Self-disclosure occurs online.

It is known by everyone that is not that difficult to express things (such emotions, feelings, impressions, opinions,...) by the Internet than in communications face to face. In face to face communications you have to deal with the other one´s facial expressions and reactions personally meanwhile in the electronic communications you not that shy and you can,also, hide your emotions.

For instance, my very best girlfriend, she rarely tell me that she loves me personally, but she does a lot by the Internet. And it is weird, because it is not just through the Internet, she does not express it when we are in the same province or we are going to see each other really soon; it only happens when we really miss each other and we are not going to face the expression of our emotions in the short run.

OTHER CONCEPTS-

Screen names- Our real name is was given to us in our birth and we had no choice about making any decision or change on it. But, in our screen name, we are the ones who decide about it, we create our own personality and we can be creative during making it. Also, we can express our interests (if your nickname is Yankeessss or LaDyGaGa), we can express our date of birth ( Isabella84 or Mark96) and other different things, as for example, where are you from (Russianfriend or Colombian). Also, this is much more easier to change than a real name, because all you have to do is to change your e-mail address or to ask for a name change to the provider. 

Privacy Sacrificed- We are choosing everyday communication and information over personal privacy. So, in order to get an instant quote on an insurance car, we must give all our information (name, address, phone, e-mail, social security number, income, driving license number, ...) to the insurance company. Through the insurance company, a lot of other companies with agreements with the insurance company, can access to your information and bother you offering some products or services. Also, whenever we are writing to someone an e-mail, we are trusting in that person than if you have a face to face communication because now, that person has a record of what you were saying.

Widening your social network- Is that really what we are doing? Well, it is true that we have 300, 500, 1000 or 2000 friends of facebook, but how many of them are really our friends? How many of them do you feel comfortable sending an inbox to them? Or how many of them do you have their cell phones? I do not think that it makes you have a wider social network, because that people are not even going to say you "hi" in the street or on campus. Your social network is wider is you want to stalk people´s profiles or  if you want to know about more events going on on campus but that is not widening your actual social network.

Personal Home Pages- The information is presented exactly how you want it to be presented. You are not going to upload your worst picture to be your profile picture; you are going to use one of your best ones or one of the ones that makes you more interesting or attractive to the people you want to pay attention to you. You can modified all your information in many different ways and make people think that is your actual trustful information.

Write literally- You can not even imagine how different can be a sentence interpreted by different people or by the same people in different situations. Imagine that you are really mad to someone and this person is being ironic to you, you are not going to get the joke, and you are going to be even more mad than before. And remember a corollary of Murphy´s law: " If nothing can go wrong. It will anyway!". When the receiver is in a good mood it could also happen some misunderstandings . For avoiding any misunderstanding we should write as much literally as we could.

To sum up, we have to be very conscious about our "other" life online and we should have on mind that everything on the Internet is affecting our real life and it will be there in the future, even if you do not want to.

Adaptation Theory

I did my 3 conversation experiments during this week, and I realized how adaption theory works in our lifes. I tried to talk about 3 different environments completely different.


The first one, it was a conversation with my professor at the end of the class. I was asking him a question because I did not understand it in class. I tried to be respectful, so I try using formal language (avoiding slang words and constructions like "I wanna..."). Also, I know that this professor has to make really hard efforts to understand me because of my strong Spanish accent, so when i am speaking to him, I try to open my mouth trying to do a better pronunciation and also, I try to speak louder and slower.                                                                                                                                              
Also, I do make eye contact with him all the time, and I move my hands a lot in order to emphasize what I am saying. Also, is surprising that he is not that concerned about personal space because he have problems to understand me, so he always try to be closer.


The second conversation was with my American friend. She is majoring in Spanish, so many times I speak to her in Spanish because she wants to improve. So, whenever I am speaking to her, I am speaking slower, with not a lot of accent, and the most important, I try to avoid all the slang and expressions that she does not know. Also, I speak emphasizing the most important things to make sure that she is following me and moreover, I use nonverbal communication a lot. I am always making gestures and body movements. Besides, I try not to have a monotone rhythm because it makes that she can understand the separation between words.


The third conversation was a Spanish-Spanish with my best friend through Skype. We were in a really informal situation and we were having a informal conversation full of slang, jokes, and expressions. Also, because we know what we are talking about, we can figure out things that other people have no idea about what we are talking about. I am always making gestures and funny faces and moving my arms and body. When I am relaxed, I am constantly playing with something in my hands or touching my hair. Although is kind of a face to face conversation, the channel is Internet, so it makes that the communication is worst, and even, more complicated because the coverage is not always good or we have some technical problems.


Through these 3 conversations I could appreciate how I change my way of communicating with people. Also, I am sure that the with the same person you have to adapt to the situation and context. It is not the same if you are talking in a private place (your house) than in a public place (NYC subway), or in the morning than in the afternoon, or in the class or in the pub....the context also makes the situation completely different and for consequence, we adapt ourselves to each context.

Nonverbal Immediacy Behaviors

I got an score of 109, that means that I am 7 points above than the average of women in college. I feel like the result is correct because I consider myself shy, but at the same time, really sociable and talkative. I love to be around to people and show my affection to them.

Actually, I did the quiz thinking about how I am in Spanish, my native tongue. It is surprising how the language and the culture you are in, can change the way you act. In Spanish I always look at the eyes to the person I am talking to, but in English many times I look to other places because I don´t feel comfortable  enough to express myself about a topic or to construct a sentence in the right way. Also, in my country, we are really close people, we don´t have "personal space"  in the street and in the routine life either. We touch each other all the time and also, we express ourselves including a lot of charming words. Our way to say hi is to smile each other, and give two kisses in the cheeks. Also, hugs are something common in our life. But, we don´t use to shake hands, just in formal situation like in a job interview or in a meeting on business. While living in Oklahoma, I taught myself on how to be close to people, give them their personal space and to introduce people shaking hands; but many times it is really complicated because it was the way I grew up and for me is the way to be. But surprisingly, when I came back to Spain, at first, I felt uncomfortable because people were invading my personal space and touching me. Of course, when I spent 2 weeks there, I got used to it again.Also, these issue caused me several incidents in the United States, people that I kissed and they felt uncomfortable or whenever I write a text to a guy saying : Hi handsome! (the most common thing in Spain), but I am learning of how to be cautious.

So, finally, I think that if I will take this test again thinking about how I am while speaking English it would be differ completely and I will be below the average.